Real Talk: Maxed Out

Hey Michelle, you never mentioned how you became depressed... what happened?

Like most things in life, it's complicated. It felt like something out of that old book series, A Series of Unfortuante Events. My POS boyfriend and I broke up for the third time (more on that later), and my bestie- my ride or die (or whatever kids say nowadays)- moved to freakin' Idaho, making me feel extremely alone.

This was the obvious stuff that caused me to feel down. But I want to talk about the less obvious stuff- the silent killers, if you will.

Growing up, my mother ingrained a few things into me- one of them being that I had to go to college. So in high school, I took honors classes and did all the things to make that happen. When I turned 16, I got a driver's license (heck yes), but surprise: you need money for gas and insurance.

So in addition to being a super-duper student and playing basketball year-round, I got a part-time job. My days got longer, and the weeks more chaotic. I didn't realize at the time, but I was slowly running myself into the ground.

And it turns out when you don't take care of yourself- like really take care of ALL your needs- your mental health takes a hit. And that, y'all, is the silent killer.

But isn't that just life? You have to grind to be successful right?

Yes and- you can also learn to do it in a way that doesn't completely sacrifice your well-being and happiness.

HOW???

Get this... in therapy you can learn something called a cost and benefits analysis- basically a fancy way of saying "weighing the pro's and con's."

Therapy gives you real, concrete tools to break down a situation, identify the advantages, disadvantages, explore your options and make a more informed decision. A therapist can also help to give you a different perspective by seeing things you didn't realize you were missing. That perspective can help you notice which habits or activities are draining you and offering very little in return.

Therapy can be a space where you sort through tough decisions so you can start feeling better about your life- and yourself.

For me, something had to give. If I kept doing all the things, my mental or physical health was going to give out. My close relationships were becoming more distance, I was losing sleep and focus, and both my grades and basketball performance were slipping.

By figuring out what was most important to me- what actually filled my cup- and with support from my family, I was able to quit my weekend job. With the expectation that come summertime I would go back to work.

Now, that might not be an option for everyone. But the point is this: I was able to take a hard look at what I needed more of in my life- and what I could afford to let go. And ultimately I felt better because of my decision.