top of page
  • Navneet Kaur

Mindful Approaches to Easing Performance Anxiety in the Bedroom

Mindful Approaches to Easing Performance Anxiety in the Bedroom

Performance anxiety in the bedroom is a common concern that can affect individuals of all genders and sexual orientations. Whether you're in a long-term relationship or navigating the early stages of intimacy, anxiety can cast a shadow over what should be a pleasurable and intimate experience. Learn different ways to take a mindful approach to easing performance anxiety, incorporating effective mindfulness techniques to boost sexual confidence.

Understanding Performance Anxiety:

Performance anxiety is a psychological condition that can manifest in various ways, from difficulty achieving or maintaining an erection to challenges with arousal or orgasm. It's crucial to recognize that performance anxiety is a normal and often temporary issue, and there are proactive steps one can take to address it.

The Role of Mindfulness Techniques:

Mindfulness, rooted in the practice of being fully present without judgment, serves as a guiding light in the journey to alleviate performance anxiety, allowing individuals to cultivate awareness of their thoughts and feelings. When applied to intimacy, mindfulness can be a powerful tool for overcoming performance anxiety.

Mindful Breathing:

One effective mindfulness technique for managing performance anxiety is conscious breathing. Take slow, deep breaths to calm the nervous system and bring your attention to the present moment. Focus on the sensation of your breath, allowing it to anchor you in the here and now.

Try this mindful breathing exercise:
  1. Sit Comfortably: Find a quiet space and sit in a comfortable position with your back straight and shoulders relaxed.

  2. Focus on Your Breath: Close your eyes and bring your attention to your breath. Notice the natural flow of your breath without trying to change it.

  3. Inhale Slowly: Take a slow, deep breath in through your nose, allowing your lungs to fill with air. Feel your chest and abdomen expand.

  4. Exhale Gradually: Release the breath slowly through your mouth or nose, feeling the sensation of the breath leaving your body.

  5. Count Your Breaths: Continue this mindful breathing, counting each breath cycle (inhale and exhale) up to a count of five. Repeat this cycle for several minutes.

  6. Stay Present: If your mind starts to wander, gently bring your focus back to the sensation of your breath. Be kind to yourself during this process.

Body Scan Meditation:

A body scan meditation can help release tension and increase awareness of physical sensations. Start from your toes and work your way up, paying attention to any areas of tightness or discomfort. This practice promotes relaxation and connection with your body.

Step-by-step body scan meditation:
  1. Find a Comfortable Position: Lie down on your back or sit in a comfortable chair with your feet flat on the floor and your hands resting on your lap.

  2. Close Your Eyes: Allow your eyes to gently close to enhance your focus on sensations rather than visual distractions.

  3. Bring Awareness to Your Toes: Start by directing your attention to your toes. Notice any sensations, tension, or relaxation. Breathe into this area.

  4. Gradually Move Upward: Slowly move your attention upward, focusing on each part of your body—feet, ankles, calves, knees, thighs, and so on. Pay attention to any sensations you encounter.

  5. Scan Your Entire Body: Continue scanning each part of your body, bringing mindful awareness to your muscles, joints, and any areas of tension or relaxation.

  6. Breathe into Tension: If you encounter tension, take a deep breath in and exhale, visualizing the tension releasing with each breath.

  7. End at the Crown of Your Head: Conclude the body scan at the crown of your head, observing how your entire body feels. Take a moment to breathe and enjoy the sense of relaxation.

Cultivating Sexual Confidence:

Building sexual confidence is a gradual process that involves self-acceptance and a positive mindset. As individuals embrace the journey of self-discovery and self-affirmation, positive changes in mindset pave the way for enhanced sexual confidence.

Positive Affirmations:

Incorporate positive affirmations into your daily routine to counter negative thoughts associated with performance anxiety. Remind yourself of your worth and capabilities, fostering a healthier mindset regarding your sexual abilities.

Ten affirmations for building sexual confidence:
  1. "I am deserving of pleasure and intimacy."

  2. "My body is unique, beautiful, and capable of bringing and receiving pleasure."

  3. "I trust in my ability to express my desires and boundaries."

  4. "I release any negative thoughts about my body and embrace self-love."

  5. "I am confident in my ability to create fulfilling and intimate connections."

  6. "Every moment of intimacy is an opportunity for growth and connection."

  7. "I am free to explore and enjoy my sexuality without judgment."

  8. "I communicate openly and honestly about my desires and needs."

  9. "I am present in the moment, allowing myself to fully enjoy intimacy."

  10. "I trust my partner and feel safe expressing vulnerability."


Use the power of visualization to imagine positive and satisfying sexual experiences. This technique can help rewire your brain to associate intimacy with pleasure rather than anxiety.

Gratitude Practice:

Incorporating a gratitude practice that specifically focuses on appreciating the body and the intimate connection with a partner can contribute significantly to building sexual confidence. Recognizing and expressing gratitude for the positive aspects of sexual experiences creates a more positive and empowering mindset.

Sensate Focus Exercises:

Engaging in sensate focus exercises further propels the journey toward sexual confidence. These exercises involve gradually increasing physical intimacy, allowing partners to explore each other's bodies without the pressure of performance. This intentional exploration builds connection, trust, and comfort, fostering an environment where anxiety takes a back seat to shared intimacy.

Communication in Intimacy:

Open communication with your partner is essential when addressing performance anxiety. Beyond the physical aspects, open dialogue lays the foundation for emotional intimacy, creating a supportive environment that reduces the pressure often associated with intimate moments. Discussing your feelings and concerns creates a supportive environment, reducing the pressure often associated with intimate moments.

Expressing Vulnerability:

Sharing one's thoughts and emotions openly, expressing vulnerability, and creating an understanding space with a partner can be transformative in the journey to overcome performance anxiety. Through this open communication, both partners gain valuable insights into each other's needs and desires, fostering emotional intimacy that serves as a powerful antidote to the stress associated with performance anxiety.

Setting Realistic Expectations:

Shifting the focus from performance to connection involves managing expectations and understanding that intimacy is a shared experience. By acknowledging that both partners contribute to the journey, individuals can foster a healthier mindset that embraces the unique dynamics of their connection, leading to a more supportive and enjoyable intimate experience.

Ways to Introduce the Conversation about Communication in Intimacy:
  1. Choose a Relaxed Setting: Initiate the conversation in a comfortable and relaxed environment where both partners feel at ease.

  2. Express Vulnerability: Share your own feelings and experiences, creating a safe space for your partner to open up as well.

  3. Use "I" Statements: Frame your thoughts using "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory and to focus on personal feelings.

  4. Express Appreciation: Begin with positive affirmations about your connection before discussing areas of improvement.

  5. Set a Positive Tone: Emphasize that the conversation is about enhancing intimacy and strengthening the emotional connection.

  6. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage your partner to share their thoughts by asking open-ended questions, fostering a more in-depth discussion.

  7. Acknowledge Feelings: Be empathetic and acknowledge your partner's feelings without judgment.

  8. Be Receptive to Feedback: Show a willingness to listen and consider your partner's perspective, creating a collaborative atmosphere.


In conclusion, mindful approaches to easing performance anxiety in the bedroom involve a combination of mindfulness techniques and building sexual confidence. By incorporating these practices into your routine and fostering open communication with your partner, you can create a more relaxed and enjoyable intimate experience. Remember, overcoming performance anxiety is a journey, and being patient and compassionate with yourself is key to achieving lasting results.

If you want to explore how sex therapy can help, please book a consultation here.

save to Pinterest

Mindful Approaches to Easing Performance Anxiety in the Bedroom, Safe Space Counseling, California

29 views0 comments


bottom of page